Sep 6, 2013
neil

A must-read from the Guardian for all who want to understand parenting

Insightful. Thought-provoking. Honest. Mostly right. More to say but no time today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(HT: Sophie Roberts)

Aug 29, 2013
neil

Birmingham’s stunning new library

Europe’s largest public library opens in Birmingham on the 2nd September. Here are some photos along with a BBC interview.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(HT: Chris Green)

Aug 22, 2013
neil

GK Chesterton on how we travel the world to avoid life not discover it

If we love to read some authors because they confirm our opinions we learn to appreciate others because they change them.  A good writer might just change our minds. GK Chesterton (1874-1936) was such a man.  A brilliant mind and a prolific writer I discovered that he wrote around 80 books, several hundred poems, some 200 short stories, 4000 essays, and several plays. He was a literary and social critic, historian, playwright, novelist, Catholic theologian and apologist, debater, and mystery writer.

Over the summer I’ve been reading his book Heretics . One of the reasons he was so good at getting  around my defences was through his appeal to paradox. He works to show you how they very thing you seek is not found in the way you seek it. In fact, he warns, seek it in the wrong place and you lose it altogether.

The following extracts from his essay On Certain Modern Writers and the Institution of the Family is an example of just how powerfully paradox works as a literary device. Subverting our assumptions, we find our views challenged and our minds changed. A whole new way of looking at things not only opens up but begins to become attractive to us.

The argument is simply this: if we really want to live life how do we do it? Chesterton asks where do we really experience life; is it in moving to the big city? Is it in travelling the world? Is life found in seeking after all kinds of new opportunities and experiences? Or might we find that the truth is found in deliberately pursuing just the opposite? Is life actually found in learning to love those who live right alongside us? Might we see more of the world by staying just where we are?

In a culture where we are desperately concerned not to miss out Chesterton argues we miss out when we fail to invest our live in a meaningful  community.

1. Where life is really lived

The man who lives in a small community lives in a much larger world. He knows much more of the fierce varieties and uncompromising divergences of men. The reason is obvious. In a large community we can choose our companions. In a small community our companions are chosen for us.

2. Why large societies are about life-avoidance

A big society exists in order to form cliques. A big society is a society for the promotion of narrowness. It is a machinery for the purpose of guarding the solitary and sensitive individual from all experience of the bitter and bracing human compromises. It is, in the most literal sense of the words, a society for the prevention of Christian knowledge.

3. Life is discovered not in seeing places but in loving people

If we were tomorrow morning snowed up in the street in which we live, we should step suddenly into a much larger and much wilder world than we have ever known. And it is the whole effort of the typically modern person to escape from the street in which he lives. First he invents modern hygiene and goes to Margate. Then he invents modern culture and goes to Florence. Then he invents modern imperialism and goes to Timbuctoo. He goes to the fantastic borders of the earth. He pretends to shoot tigers. He almost rides on a camel. And in all this he is still essentially fleeing from the street in which he was born; and of this flight he is always ready with his own explanation. He says he is fleeing from his street because it is dull; he is lying. He is really fleeing from his street because it is a great deal too exciting. It is exciting because it is exacting; it is exacting because it is alive. He can visit Venice because to him the Venetians are only Venetians; the people in his own street are men. He can stare at the Chinese because for him the Chinese are a passive thing to be stared at; if he stares at the old lady in the next garden, she becomes active. He is forced to flee, in short, from the too stimulating society of his equals — of free men, perverse, personal, deliberately different from himself. The street in Brixton is too glowing and overpowering. He has to soothe and quiet himself among tigers and vultures, camels and crocodiles.

4. What God is trying to teach us through community

We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next-door neighbour. . . we have to love our neighbour because he is there — a much more alarming reason for a much more serious operation. He is the sample of humanity which is actually given us. Precisely because he may be anybody he is everybody. He is a symbol because he is an accident.

All of Chesterton’s arguments, powerfully and persuasively made I’m sure you’ll agree, serve to challenge our view of church. For example, is church a place to visit or a community to learn from? Do we like our large churches because that way we can avoid people? We can decide who to love and when we don’t want to love others, especially those who differ from us, we can easily ignore them? Is a large church a decision not to grow-up through sharing in the joys and sorrows of our Christian brother and sister?

On holiday on Sunday in a small family church when one couple shared the news that the wife had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer Chesterton’s observations were confirmed in an instant. The news would impact every member of that church family who by virtue of their community life shared  life together, week in and week out.

Aug 16, 2013
neil

What Christians must learn from the ‘new atheists’ if only we will listen

Two articles in the past week, both on the Telegraph website, highlight the growing embarrassment that so many atheists find with the posturing of Richard Dawkins.

Brendon O’Neill confesses that ‘things are now so bad that I tend to keep my atheism to myself’ in his article How atheists became the most colossally smug and annoying people on the planet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Matthew Norman writes in his piece Come in Agent Dawkins, your job is done, ’as one who became a devout atheist at the age of nine’ but also asks  ’is there any stronger argument against the existence of a benign deity today than the existence of Richard Dawkins?’

 

 

 

 

It seems to me there are many lessons for  Christians to learn from these articles. Let’s fill our apologetic with love and compassion as well as contending for truth. Let’s also watch out for the pride and posturing in our words that do nothing to commend our cause.

Aug 2, 2013
neil

The biggest danger to your ministry? Tripp says ‘you are’

Paul Tripp’s Dangerous Calling is proving to be a highlight of my summer reading.

Here’s a man who knows my heart and understands the unique challenges and dangers of pastoral ministry. The book is written by a man who has failed in ministry,so writes with compassion and care. He has also, through countless conversations with church leaders, ministered the gospel to leaders.

In the introduction he describes Dangerous Calling as a diagnostic book. His aim is to reveal to leaders, often blinded by their sin to their sin, the idols that drive too much of what we do and why we do it. Perhaps the most disturbing sentence of the book is this one: it is right to say that the greatest danger in my life exists inside of me and not outside of me. This is because a pastor’s ministry depends, finally, not on whether he can preach, set out a clear vision for a church or deliver good pastoral care but on what is motivating his ministry. The condition of a pastor’s heart shapes everything.

Through the second half of the book Tripp shows just how devastating it is for a pastor to look for the wrong thing in the wrong place. To want and to seek from ministry what is ours in Christ. When you forget the gospel, you begin to seek from the situations, locations, and relationships of ministry for identity, security, hope, well-being, meaning, and purpose.

Why do ministers fall and fail? Why do so many leave ministry? For most, behind the many presenting reasons, underlying them all, is a failure to apply the gospel to ourselves as well as our congregations.

In the concluding chapter of the book Tripp summarises his ‘big-idea’:

This is the bottom line. This is the great internal war of ministry. You are called to be a public and influential ambassador of a glorious King, but you must resist the desire to be a king. You are called to trumpet God’s glory, but you must never take that glory for yourself. You are called to a position of leadership, influence, and prominence, but in that position you are called to ”humble yourself under the mighty hand of God” (v.6). Perhaps there is nothing more important in ministry than knowing your place. Perhaps all the fear of man, the pride of knowing, the seduction of acclaim, the quest for control, the depression in the face of hardship, the envy of the ministry of others, the bitterness against detractors, and the anxiety of failure are all about the same thing. Each of these struggles is about the temptation to make your ministry about you. From that first dark moment in the garden, this has been the struggle–to make it all about us.

It is so easy to confuse your kingdom with the Lord’s. It is so easy to tell yourself that you are fighting for the gospel when what you’re really fighting for is your place. It is so easy to tell yourself that you’re simply trying to be a good leader when what you really want is control. It is so easy to tell yourself that you want to build healthy ministry relationships when what you really want is for people to like you. It is so easy to tell yourself that you’re trying to help people understand the details of their theology when what you’re actually working to do is impress them with how much you know. It is so easy to tell yourself that you’re fighting for what is right when what is really going in s that you’re threatened by someone’s rising influence. It’s so easy to tell yourself that you just want what is best when what you really want is a comfortable and predictable ministry life. It is so easy to tell yourself that you want God to get glory when really you enjoy ministry celebrity more than you are willing to admit. It is hard to be in a position of ministry prominence and influence and to know your place, It is very tempting in subtle ways to want God’s place. It is vital to realize that the temptation of the garden still lives in the pulpit, the study, the counseling office, and the ministry boardroom.

Here is the bottom line: wherever you are in ministry, whatever your position is, no matter how many people look up to you, whatever influence your ministry has collected, and no matter how long and successful your ministry has been, your ministry will never be about you because it is about him. God will not abandon his kingdom for yours. He will not offer up his throne to you, He will not give to you the glory that is his due. His kingdom and his glory are the hope of your ministry and the church. And when I forget my place and quest in some way for God’s position, I place my ministry and the church that I have been called to serve in danger.

It is here that I need to be rescued from me.

In your ministry, in the location where God has positioned you, is there evidence that you have forgotten your place, or is your ministry shaped and protected by a daily commitment to “humble yourself under the mighty hand of God”? Would the people who serve with you thing that you are too orientated toward power and control? Would the people you serve assess that you care too much about what people think about you? Would they say that you care too much about attention and influence? Would they see you as being tempted to take too much credit, or would they say that you clearly demonstrate that you know the ministry God has called you to is not about you? Would they conclude that you really do know your place?

Jul 19, 2013
neil

85 questions to ask before you marry

In marriage preparation at City Church we ask engaged couples to complete the following questionnaire on their expectations for married life. It’s one we adapted and added to from a questionnaire I did 20 years ago in my marriage prep. classes at St. Helen’s Bishopsgate.

Our approach is to ask the couples to complete the worksheet separately and then talk through their conclusions with each other. We don’t then go through the answers, question by question, with them in marriage prep. classes but we do ask them to talk through with us any areas of significant disagreement or uncertainty.

Expectations in marriage worksheet

  A. Spiritual life 

1. Where and when do you generally read your Bible and pray?  
2. Do you expect to have devotional times together? How often? 
3. How important is God in your life? How is this manifest? 
4. Are you growing as a Christian? In what ways do you envisage your spouse being able to help you grow? Be specific.

B. Daily living 

1. Are you a ‘morning’ or ‘evening’ person? What time do you like to go to bed in the evening and get up in the morning? 
2. How important are music, radio, TV, social media, surfing the internet and computer games to you? Do you think anything will need to change when you are married? 
3. If you were given £25,000 what would you do with it as a couple? 
4. From the list below, what jobs around the house do you expect to do, what might you share with your spouse and what do you expect your spouse mostly to do?

Mowing the lawn, Car maintenance (if relevant), Washing up
Cooking,  Cleaning the toilet, Food shopping
Ironing, Paying the bills, Wiring a plug,
Unblocking a drain, Sewing on a button, Changing the bedding
Doing the washing, Driving the car (if relevant), Taking the bins out

Husband will do:

Wife will mostly do:

We will share:

5. Do you expect to keep some secrets from your spouse? For example:

  • Earnings?
  • Savings?
  • Weight?
  • Private letters? 

6. In what areas do you expect to disagree most? For example:

  • Money?
  • In-laws?
  • Leisure?
  • Life-style? 

7. Is there anything you feel it will be difficult to discuss with your spouse? Are you willing to try? 

C. Social 

1. How would you like to celebrate your first wedding anniversary? What about your tenth? 
2. How do you view your (future) in-laws? How often will you visit them? How often will they visit you? 
3. What about your own parents? How often will you visit them? How often will they visit you? 
4. How often would you expect to speak to your parents and other close family? 
5. How do you think your relationship with your parents will change once you’re married? 
6. How might your parents and in-laws be cared for in old age? 
7. How do you view your future spouse’s friends? Will you encourage these friendships? 
8. How many evenings a week would you expect to be:

  • Out, with your spouse?
  • Out ,without your spouse?
  • In together, with friends?
  • Left at home alone?
  • In together, alone?
  • Out together, just the two of you? 

9. How important is time on your own to relax? Do you relax best in the company of others or in your own company? Do you think you will need time alone when you are at home or on holiday together? 

D. Christmas

1. How was Christmas for you growing up? 
2. What traditions did you have as a family that you would love to keep/prefer to lose? 
3. Do you look forward to the Christmas season? 
4. How would you like to spend your first Christmas together? 
5. How might you balance time spent with your respective families over the years?  

E. Children 

1. What makes you nervous or afraid at the prospect of having children? 
2. If you are able to have children, how many children would you like? How important would financial considerations feature in your thoughts? What other factors would apply? 
3. How long would you like to wait before trying for children? 
4. How would you respond if you became pregnant on honeymoon? 
5. What would be your top three priorities for your children? 
6. What is your view about infant baptism? 
7. Do you anticipate parenting in a similar manner to which you were brought up?  Why or why not? 
8. What sort of education would you want for them? 
9. How do you see your responsibility as regards ‘bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord’ (Ephesians 6v4)? How about your future spouse’s responsibility?  

F. Church 

1. What areas of church life do you currently serve in? 
2. Are there any responsibilities you should consider giving up once you are married?
3. What particular contributions to church life do you anticipate having as a married couple? 
4. In what particular ways do you want to serve God together?  Be specific. 
5. How do you want God to use your marriage and home?
6. What part will hospitality play?

G. Communication and Conflict 

1. Are you good at communicating “basic” information: diary planning, phone messages, short- and medium-term plans? If not, how will you improve? 
2. Are you good at the kind of communicating that builds and strengthens intimacy? Do you think you need to improve at making space for that in your relationship? 
3. Do you think your spouse does? How can you help? 
4. Do you find it easy to talk about things you are struggling with? How can your spouse help you? 
5. How good are you at “speaking the truth in love”, saying difficult things in a loving way? 
6. Are you willing for your spouse to be frank with you regarding any personal habits you have that they find unpleasant or simply unhelpful? How best might they address or initiate the subject? 
7. How do you respond to conflict?  Do you go quiet, sulk, become argumentative, become defensive? 
8. How do you anticipate resolving conflicts? 
9. Do you consider your future spouse to be good at communicating?  How could they improve? 
10. Do you consider yourself to be good at communicating?  How could you improve?

H. Recreation 

1. What do you enjoy doing in your leisure time? Is this something you plan to continue to do when married? Would you anticipate your spouse being involved in this? How? 
2. How often do you expect to have a holiday? What would you expect these to look like? 

I. Work 

1. What is your attitude towards work?  Do you find it difficult to stop working? Do you find it difficult to switch off after work? 
2. How important is having a career to you? What expectations or hopes do you have for your career? 
3. How would you respond to an expectation from an employer for you to work overtime, or increase your hours?  
4. How do you feel about the role of housewife and mother? As a mother, how soon would you consider returning to paid employment, if at all? As a father, how would you feel about your wife going back to work?

J. Money 

1. What standard of living have you been used to?
recently
in your childhood 
2. What expectations do you bring into marriage in relation to this? Do you expect a steadily rising standard of living? 
3. What debts do you have? 
4. What about savings and assets? 
5. What is your attitude towards money?  Do you generally save up before buying larger items, or do you buy these on credit and pay back? 
6. When you buy something, do you prefer to pay more for quality instead of pay a lower price? 
7. Do you budget carefully? 
8. Are you giving to the church in a disciplined manner? What will that look like when you are married? 
9. Will you have a joint account when you are married? 
10. Do you plan to save together? How much? What will these savings be for? 
11. Will you maintain a savings account, pension, life insurance? 
12. Who will be in charge of the money when you are married? Who will be responsible for paying different bills and how? 
13. Do you expect to talk about every purchase you make, set a threshold for this, or each be free to spend what you want? 
14. How much money do you think you ought to spend on holidays? 

 K. Home 

1. Do you expect to be living in Birmingham in 5 years? What about in 10? 
2. What are your priorities in choosing where to live? 
3. How important to you is where you live and what sort of house/flat you live in?

  • Now?
  • In 10 years?
  • At retirement? 

4. What sort of home would you expect in 5 years’ time? 
5. How important is it to you to be buying your own home? 
6. How much of a practical handyman/woman are you? Do you enjoy doing things around the home, for example: putting up shelves, mending things, decorating, making curtains, etc.? 
7. How tidy are you? How important is it for you to have a clean and tidy home? 

L. Marriage 

1. Try to write down in a sentence or two about why you want to get married and why to this person in particular? 
2. How do you hope being married to your spouse will benefit them? 
3. How do you hope being married to your spouse will benefit you? 
4. What could undermine these benefits? 
5. How often do you expect to have sex? 
6. Where would you turn to if you were having problems with the sexual relationship within your marriage? 
7. Do you think romance is important? How do you intend to be romantic towards your spouse? 
8. How will you keep God central in your marriage? How might you keep a check on that? 

Notes for discussion

Jul 10, 2013
neil

So you love Jesus, but do you really want to be like him?

For the Christian the goal of the Christian life is to become increasingly like Christ. Paul writes: And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:18 NIV). John writes we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.  (1 John 3:1 NIV).

But what do we mean when we say we want to be like him? It seems to me that we most often mean we want to be like him in character or godliness. Maybe we wish we had his self-control, his trust in God, and so on. Or maybe we want to be like Christ not just in character but in wisdom. We want the mind of Christ to know how to live to please God in every situation.

But what about like him in our circumstances? Would we actually want our lives to look like Jesus’s life? In becoming like Christ it seems to me that the Bible wants us to share his experiences too. The reality is that discipleship may well take us where we don’t want to go. It will involve a life that includes suffering (1 Pet. 2:20-21), rejection (John 15:20), personal injustice (2 Tim. 3:12). The battle in discipleship is a battle to be ready to go wherever He may take me. Perhaps that is because the hardest lesson to learn is that the mind of Christ and the character of Christ were formed in him in adversity. It will be our experience too if we truly want to be like him.

Francis Chan in interview once said:

You passionately love Jesus, but you don’t really want to be like Him. You admire His humility, but you don’t want to be that humble. You think it’s beautiful that He washed the feet of the disciples, but that’s not exactly the direction your life is headed. You’re thankful He was spit upon and abused, but you would never let that happen to you. You praise Him for loving you enough to suffer during His whole time on earth, but you’re going to do everything within your power to make sure you enjoy your time down here. 

In short: You think He is a great Savior, but not a great role model.

Jul 9, 2013
neil

Nothing is wasted

Here’s a short-piece I recorded for Acts29Europe entitled ‘Nothing is wasted’ not even our mistakes.

Jul 5, 2013
neil

When God takes you where you don’t want to go

Pete Wilson, in his book Plan B, puts his finger on the dilemma modern, western Christians face:

Whatever you wanted for your life, if you’re a Christian, you may well have assumed God want it for you as well. You might not admit it, even to yourself but you were pretty sure God was going to  sweep down and provide for you as only God could do. The problem is, what you assumed was not necessarily what happened.

Nobody ever grew up thinking, I’m going to get cancer at forty-one. Nobody ever grew up thinking, I’m going to get fired at fifty-seven. Nobody ever planned to be divorced twice by forty-five or alone and depressed at age thirty-five. Nobody thought their child would end up in prison at age twenty. You never imagined you wouldn’t physically be able to have children. You never imagined you’d get stuck in a dead-end job. You never imagined the word that might best describe your marriage would be mediocre. But it happened, and you’re frustrated. Or hurt. Or furious. Or all of the above.

We are preaching through a series on Sunday evenings at City Church called Perfected in weakness we are looking at the weakness of physical suffering. What CS Lewis called the problem of pain.  It  is a problem for Christian and non-Christian alike. Maybe for you suffering is the reason you are not a Christian. George Bernard Shaw once said:

How are atheists produced? In probably nine cases out of ten what happens is something like this. A beloved wife, or child or sweetheart is gnawed to death by cancer, stultified by epilepsy, struck dumb and helpless by apoplexy or strangled by croup or diphtheria. The onlooker, after praying vainly to God to refrain from such horrible and wanton cruelty, indignantly repudiates faith in the divine monster and becomes not merely indifferent and sceptical but fiercely and actively hostile to religion.

The problem of pain is also a problem for the Chrsitian. It works a bit differently for us, however. Our problem is not simply that as believers we might fall ill, or suffer as much as unbelievers. No, our problem comes in trying to reconcile what we know about God with what we experience in our lives. The problem for the Christian is that we do believe in a God who loves us and is sovereign over their health and it’s because he is in control that we know that when we suffer it is God who sends it. Our problem, to put it in the words of Christopher Ash is not ‘just that it hurts . . . it is more than this: it is the conviction that it is God who is doing the hurting.’

No wonder that we suffer in this way we find ourselves deeply perplexed as to what God is doing. Some Christians try to resolve it by denying that God does stand behind suffering and prefer simply blame Satan or put it down to ‘living life in a fallen world.’  Others wonder whether God is really sovereign in troubling times: a good God wouldn’t do this to me, maybe God doesn’t know everything that will happen to us.

Or if we can’t escape the idea that God must allow it, we begin to fear that although God is good we wonder whether he is good to me.  What if our suffering is a punishment from God for sin in our lives.  Christopher Ash writes of a suffering believer ‘in a way, the deepest question Job faces is this: ‘Is God for me or against me?’ For ultimately nothing else matters.’

Can God be both loving and sovereign and still allow his people to suffer?

In two places in the Bible we gain a particular insight into what is going on when we suffer, Job 2:1–10 and 2 Corinthians 12:7–10. We find something of an answer, although we may find the answer is not be the one we were hoping for. Christopher Ash identifies 5 truths in the story of Job that we also find in Paul’s thorn in his flesh in 2 Corinthians 12. In both stories of suffering we find the same five truths at play:

1. God’s servant (Paul or Job) is blameless. This does not mean sinless but it means in a right relationship with God. God says of Job ‘In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.’ (Job 1:1 NIV). In their suffering, neither man has any reason to fear that he is being punished for sin.

2. Satan has real influence. He is the immediate, direct cause of the suffering they experience. Paul describes the thorn in his flesh as a ‘messenger of Satan’. In Job we read ‘Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head.’ (Job 2:1 NIV)

3. The Lord is absolutely supreme. Satan and the Lord are not two equal and opposite forces at work in the world. Limitations are placed on Satan by divine command. Quite simply, there is nothing that Satan can do unless God allows him. See Job 2:6 and 1:12.

4. The Lord gives terrible permissions. God is in control and it is God who allows his servants to go through the suffering they do. It is not pleasant. It involves real pain and discomfort. If God is for us then God must have a purpose greater than our immediate personal happiness.

5. God’s servant grows in grace. In their suffering both Paul and Job trust God with what they don’t understand. Paul and Job both discover that their faith is not only proved but strengthened –by what they go through.

In the next couple of posts we’ll consider

1. Suffering – Who’s to blame? 2 Corinthians 12:7–10. Our suffering is meaningful only because God stands behind it

2. Suffering – who’s in control? Job 2:1-10. Suffering is not only meaningful because God is in it but it is purposeful because God will use it to teach us about himself.

3. Suffering – what is God trying to do achieve through our suffering? Job 38:1–11, 40:1–5; 2 Cor. 12:7–10. We will discover that, finally, suffering is redemptive. It humbles us and therefore serves to keep us close to God. We learn to trust him with what we don’t understand as well as what we do. We learn to rely on him for strength when we have none of our own.

Jun 28, 2013
neil

Our story: City Church, the first 14 years

The Gospel Partnerships invited me to share some the ways in which God has been at work in and through City Church Birmingham since we began to meet in 1999. The Gospel Partnership site contains a growing set of resources on training, multiplying congregations and evangelism. Well worth returning to the site on a regular basis for input from a whole range of churches.

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