So helpful for all new parents – mums and dads!
(HT: Hosanna Stokes)
This is the third post on how to understand and respond to the financial pressures church-planting brings (part 1 & part 2 can be found here). In this post I want to briefly consider how planting impacts the home.
What is the impact of living in this way for you as a church-planting family?
- Don’t expect your wife to naturally share, to the same degree, your passion for the sacrificial commitment planting a church will make. Particularly if you have a family, her focus and drive will be with providing for the needs of a family.
- Don’t expect your wife to enjoy the same attitude to risk that you might be willing to bear. In my experience of working alongside planters their wives tend to me more risk-averse. It is certainly not sinful of them to struggle to adopt the same attitude.
- Don’t plan to plant a church on the basis of your wife’s income. Don’t presume that your wife wants to go on working to bank-roll the plant and don’t plan presuming that she will, especially beyond the first 12-18 months.
For a helpful introduction to the pressures of being a planter’s wife this interview with Christine Hoover is worth a look.
Financial stress and your relationship (& witness) to your children
- Do see planting as a family endeavour (on mission together!) and look for gospel-learning opportunities as you pray for God to provide and as you give thanks for meeting your needs. In planting you have an opportunity to experience in a more obvious and direct way how God graciously provides for his children –make good use of it.
- Mothers are inclined to feel guilty that their husband’s calling is damaging to their children. But don’t overestimate that damage. It can be good to have less stuff. Their lives will be enriched in other ways. And God is good. Many pastors’ wives testify to God’s provision through surprising and delightful means. Julia Jones
- Don’t ask your wife (and kids) to bear the sacrifice of living on less without seeking to compensate for it in other ways.
What might it mean for you to compensate for these financial pressures ?
- There is probably not much you can do to change your circumstances. Money pressures are likely to be tight and not just for the short-term (see below). But as we have already noted that brings gospel opportunities to grow in gospel confidence as the Lord provides.
- The one thing that must be avoided at all costs is asking wife and family to take the double-hit for a sustained period of time of being expected to sacrifice both time & money. That is something that breeds resentment. Dad not being around and then finances being tight is a danger to the spiritual well-being of our kids. So make time for family and make it a priority.
Financial stress and keeping going
- Financial stress is not limited to the challenges of raising an initial income. In the medium to longer term some form of financial pressure will stay with you. For example, a planter’s income is not likely to increase significantly over time. Your family may grow in number as your salary does not. Moving to a larger house may not be an option even as family grows. Whilst others in your church family will move on up the career ladder and enjoy a greater disposable income you will not. All that means that a widening gap between a planter’s income and the income of church contemporaries is likely to become more apparent (not less) over time. The family holidays enjoyed by others may simply not be available to you etc.
How to be keep going
- Learn to be content with what you have.
- If you are an elder or core-group member with financial resources to spare look for ways to bless the planter & spouse (even small gifts like vouchers for a meal out) are really appreciated.
- Teach your children what it means to rely on the Lord in all things as they see you relying on the Lord for finances.
- In the busyness of planting don’t neglect the ministry of fund-raising and by doing so bring an unhealthy level of stress into your church and family life.
- Don’t feel guilty in inviting people to partner with you. Remember, raising funds is ministry. The Lord is expanding your ministry to include people who will pray for and support your cause. Raising funds is ministry. William P. Dillon
US Analyst puts Birmingham only behind Barcelona when it comes to cities to invest in across Western Europe.
Want a few good reasons to take pride in the city of Birmingham? New York Magazine offer a few . . .
I was invited by the staff team of Magdalen Road Church to speak to them on the topic of the inerrancy of Scripture. Here are four God reasons for Christians to have confidence that what the Bible says, God says.
1. God is a God of truth (taken from Words of Life by Tim Ward)
The claim that the Bible is inerrant is a conclusion drawn directly from what Scripture says about God, and about itself in relation to God. Scripture says, as we have seen, that it is breathed out by God, as his own words. In addition, in Scripture God states with great clarity that his character is such that he cannot lie, and that he alone is utterly truthful and trustworthy (Titus 1:2; Heb. 6:18) . . . It is therefore right to conclude that Scripture’s words will borrow their qualities from God.
2. God is a God of love (taken from Essentials by John Stott & David Edwards)
Is [it] a reliable revelation? Indeed, we have strong Christian reasons for expecting God to have given us one. We both believe [Stott in reply to Edwards view of Scripture] God said and did something through Jesus Christ which was unique in itself and decisive for the salvation of the world. Is it not inconceivable, therefore, that God should first have spoken and acted in Christ and then have allowed his saving word and deed to be lost in the mists of antiquity? If God’s good news was meant for everybody, which it was and is, then he must have made provision for its reliable preservation, so that all people in all places at all times could have beneficial access to it. This is an a priori deduction from our basic Christian beliefs about God, Christ and salvation.
3. God is a God worthy of our trust (taken from Essentials by John Stott & David Edwards)
John Stott describes this one as his most important argument:
Submission to Scripture is for us Evangelicals a sign of our submission to Christ, a test of our loyalty to him. We find it extremely impressive that our incarnate Lord, whose own authority amazed his contemporaries, should have subordinated himself to the authority of the Old Testament Scriptures as he did, regarding them as his Father’s written word.
If submission to Scripture was right for him, as it was, it must be right for us also.
4. God is a God deserving of our obedience (taken from Evangelical Affirmations by Kenneth Kantzer)
Christians hold the Bible to be the Word of God (and inerrant) because they are convinced that Jesus, the Lord of the Church, believed it and taught his disciples to believe it.
The conclusion of the matter?
When it comes to whether we can trust the Bible we’re really asking questions much bigger than what is the Bible, we’re asking what is our God like. Who God is and what God has done gives us reason for confidence.
I took a marriage preparation session for a number of engaged couples at our church last week. There were lots of things I would have been very happy to discuss not least all of the many practical issues that a couple face as they get ready to marry. But rather than start there I wanted to start with the biggest issue facing any human relationship: Am I willing to let this person change me?
Tim Keller in The Reason for God writes: One of the principles of love – either love for a friend or romantic love – is that you have to lose independence to attain greater intimacy. If you want ‘freedom’ of love – the fulfillment, security, sense of worth that it brings – you must limit your freedom in many ways. You cannot enter a deep relationship and still make unilateral decisions or allow your friend or lover no say in how you live your life. To experience the joy and freedom of love, you must give up personal autonomy.’
For a love relationship to be healthy there must be a mutual loss of independence. It can’t be just one way. Both sides must say to the other, ‘I will adjust to you. I will change for you. I’ll serve you even though it means a sacrifice for me.’
In the most radical way, God has adjusted to us – in his incarnation and atonement. In Jesus Christ he became a limited human being, vulnerable to suffering and death. On the cross, he submitted to our condition – as sinners – and died in our place to forgive us. In the most profound way, God has said to us, in Christ, ‘I will adjust to you. I will change for you. I’ll serve you though it means sacrifice for me.’ If he has done this for us, we can and should say the same to God and others.
In summary: As God has changed for you, so you can now change for him.
That’s exactly what we find in a passage like Philippians 2:1-18.
2:5-11 tells of Christ’s willingness to leave the glories of heaven and become a man, taking the form of a servant, being willing to die, and to die on a cross (a cursed death – the worst death). From the highest place it is possible to be, at the right-hand of God, Christ now occupied the lowest place it is possible to be, cursed on a cross.
Either side of these verses are a call for our relationships with one another to be utterly transformed by this gospel pattern.
So, 2:2-4 we read: make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others (NIV).
And 2:14-15: Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation” (NIV).
The power to live well in a marriage comes from our willingness to change and to let our marriage partner be God’s change-agent. Christ’s willingness to change for us gives us every reason to change for him and to let him use others to do exactly that. As we learn to welcome change and to say to our marriage partners,for Christ’s sake, I need you to change me to be more like him so our marriages grow stronger.
Today’s Telegraph contains the moving story of how Patricia Machin forgave the man whose crime of careless driving killed her husband. Ruth Dudley Edwards reports
Mrs Machin wrote Williamson a letter to use in his defence in which she said that on the day of the accident, “however bad it was for me, I realise it was 1,000 times worse for you…” This astonished the defence counsel, who said he struggled “to find words to express what is conveyed through the contents and the intentions”. Mrs Machin was in court on Tuesday as Williamson was given a suspended sentence.
But then Edwards, herself an atheist, goes on to say But why were people so astonished? Mrs Machin and her late husband were Christians who really lived up to their beliefs.No truer word has been spoken. Christians are under an obligation to forgive in a way no-one else. There is no other creed on earth that compels forgiveness because the obligation to forgive flows from our direct experience of forgiveness. CS Lewis writes To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. Only the Christian must forgive.
But whilst it is an easy thing to say that the Christian must forgive it is still an extraordinary thing if the Christian can find the resources and resolve necessary to forgive. Again as Lewis says Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive … And then, to mention the subject at all is to be greeted with howls of anger.
The command to forgive comes from the gospel and the ability to forgive comes from the gospel too. When tempted to hate those who have hurt us and caused us undue pain the Christian seeks from God the ability to do the God-like thing and that is to choose to take the pain and hurt on ourselves rather than our ‘enemy’. God absorbed his own wrath when he suffered on the cross. In Christ, we too learn to bear the pain, commit it to God, seek his healing and hold out forgiveness to those who have wronged us. That is no easy thing. Praise God today for the example and courage of Mrs Machin
A thought-provoking article in today’s Times (£) on the pitfall of over-parenting. Alice Thomson looks at a new book called Minimalist Parenting which challenges the modern-day preoccupation of raising kids a world in which ‘children have become passive projects constructed by their mothers.’ The key? They discovered that they enjoyed their children more when they were doing less.
Last Saturday morning the men at City Church gave some time to thinking through issues of sexual purity. This post is the second part of my handout that went with the talk. Part one is here
3) Go to God with your behaviour
Know the compassion of a gracious God . ‘The Lord pities his people’ – JC Ryle
Your natural instinct is to turn to yourself, instead of to Jesus. This is true of all sin, but it’s obvious in your struggle with pornography because it’s a solitary pursuit. Your pornographic sins are, by definition, only about you: what you want, what you hope for, and what you long for. When you are facing hard or disappointing circumstances—boredom, loneliness, money problems, fighting with a spouse, distance from a friend—it’s easy (and instinctive) to turn in on yourself and try to escape your troubles by going to your fantasy life.
Apply the gospel to your behaviour
The gospel is not only a comfort for you as you struggle with sin. It is God’s very means of fighting sin. Just saying ‘no’ or taking cold showers is not a way to fight something that has a first-place in our hearts. The only thing that roots out sin is to replace that sin with a higher or greater love. Loving Christ more than we love sin breaks its attraction and therefore its power over us.
Thomas Chalmers (1780-1847) preached a sermon entitled The expulsive power of a new affection in which he set out exactly how the Christian can and should fight sin:
Salvation by grace, salvation by free grace, salvation not by obedience but according to the mercy of God, is indispensable. . . to. . . godliness. Retain a single shred or fragment of legality with the Gospel. . . and you take away the power of the Gospel to melt and reconcile. For this purpose, the freer it is, the better it is. That very peculiarity of the Gospel which so many dread as the germ of Antinomianism [permission to sin without consequence], is, in fact, the germ of a new spirit, and a new inclination against sin.
Along with the light of a free Gospel, the love of the Gospel enters. To the measure that you impair Gospel freeness, you also chase away this love. And never does the sinner find within himself so mighty a moral transformation, as when under the belief that he is saved by grace, he feels constrained thereby to offer his heart as a devoted thing to God, and to eschew ungodliness.
[Why is this grateful love so important?] It is rare that any of our [bad habits or flaws] disappear by a mere process of natural extinction. At least, it is very seldom that this is done through the process of reasoning. . . or by the force of mental determination. But what cannot be destroyed may be thrown out—just as one taste may be made to give way to another, and to lose its power entirely as the reigning affection in the mind.
So, eventually, a boy may cease to be a slave of his appetite. How? Because a [more 'mature'] taste has brought it into subordination. The youth ceases to idolize [sensual] pleasure. Why? Because the idol of wealth has. . . gotten the ascendancy. Even the love of money can cease to have mastery over the heart because it is drawn into the whirl of [ideology and politics] and he is now lorded over by a love of power [and moral superiority]. But in none of these transformations is the heart left without an object to worship. Its desire for one particular object may be conquered—but its desire to have some object. . . is unconquerable. . . .
The only way to dispossess the heart of an old affection is by the expulsive power of a new one. . . It is only. . . when, through faith in Jesus Christ, as we are received as God’s children, that the spirit of adoption is poured out on us—and the heart, brought under the mastery of one great and predominant affection, is delivered from the tyranny of its former desires. That is the only way that deliverance is possible.
Thus, for true change to occur. . . it is not enough. . . to hold out to the world a mirror of its own imperfections. It is not enough to demonstrate the evanescent character of your Christian life. . . or to speak to the conscience. . . of its foolishness. . . Rather, try every legitimate method of finding access to your hearts, for the love of Him who is greater than the world.
4) Go to others that they might be God’s change-agents in your life
Christian growth comes in and through community. Sexual sin has a hold on us because we do not use the resources God has given to fight it. That resource includes others. Rick Warren writes:
If you’re losing the battle against a persistent bad habit, an addiction, or a temptation, and you’re stuck in a repeating cycle of good intention-failure-guilt, you will not get better on your own. You need the help of other people. Some temptations are only overcome with the help of a partner who prays for you, encourages you, and holds you accountable.
a) Who are you willing and able to talk to about these issues?
b) Who is going to remind you of the gospel in the midst of your struggle?
c) What accountability can you build into these relationships?
d) What protections can you put in place to help you in the fight?
Conclusion – Hope and the power of the gospel
What seems so small and so weak (an acorn) has the power to break even the strongest stone. So the gospel is powerful to set you free from even the most besetting of sins. However you feel about the battle with lust the gospel is able not only to save you from your sins and to comfort you in your falls but to give you some level of victory over sins like lust.
Tim Keller tells the following story about the power of the gospel that is in you.
A minister was in Italy, and there he saw the grave of a man who had died centuries before who was an unbeliever and completely against Christianity, but a little afraid of it too. So the man had a huge stone slab put over his grave so he would not have to be raised from the dead in case there is a resurrection from the dead. He had insignias put all over the slab saying, “I do not want to be raised from the dead. I don’t believe in it.” Evidently, when he was buried, an acorn must have fallen into the grave. So a hundred years later the acorn had grown up through the grave and split that slab. It was now a tall towering oak tree. The minister looked at it and asked, “If an acorn, which has power of biological life in it, can split a slab of that magnitude, what can the acorn of God’s resurrection power do in a person’s life?”
The minute you decide to receive Jesus as Savior and Lord, the power of the Holy Spirit comes into your life. It’s the power of the resurrection—the same thing that raised Jesus from the dead …. Think of the things you see as immovable slabs in your life—your bitterness, your insecurity, your fears, your self-doubts. Those things can be split and rolled off. The more you know him, the more you grow into the power of the resurrection.
Post-script: Why marriage won’t fix things
It’s not about sex, not even about lust, it’s about you and the gospel. Tim Chester comments,
It you’re not yet married, porn is a sin against your future wife. You’re also creating a set of expectations that bears no relation to real sex or real marriage. You’re storing up a database of images that will compete with your future wife. You’re gifting the devil, a reservoir of temptations to use against you.
Using porn is a bad way of preparing not to use it when you’re married! Every time you use porn, you’re giving it more control over your heart. You’re sowing a bitter harvest for your married life.
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