Do you talk too much? Do you not say enough?
When I meet pastorally with people I sometimes wonder whether they have come seeking advice or merely someone to talk at. I also wonder whether at times I’ve said too much and not asked enough.
This app. might at least help assess just who’s doing all the talking! Quite simply it shows, how much everybody is talking, You can set it for 1, 2 or 5 minutes and track the conversation. Sadly it’s no good for elders meetings, just yet, as it only works for two people.
He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame – Proverbs 18:13
Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise – Proverbs 19:20
William Lane Craig has two doctoral degrees, has published over 30 books, debated the world’s leading atheists including Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens, but STILL Richard Dawkins will not debate him!
With thanks to Tony Watkins for this.
Captain, commander, caregiver or recluse – what kind of leader are you and what is it doing to your church?
More from Thom Rainer and his book High Expectations.
Leaders come in all shapes and sizes but Rainer argues that four leadership styles can be identified that impact a church in different ways. I’ve turned his comments into the following diagram;
Rainer argues that in growing churches the dominant leadership style is high task/ high relationship. In other words what churches need are leaders who are ‘very goal-orientated‘ and also ‘good people-person(s)‘.
Without a goal it is easy for the church to drift but ‘high relationship‘ is crucial in terms of bringing the congregation with you. In his research into growing churches it was these leaders who
cared deeply about people as they attempted to lead the church to change. Though the pastors had an ambitious desire to reach a goal or accomplish a task, they were unwilling to disregard the concerns of others in the process.
A few personal reflections;
1. Look for captains to lead your church. Commanders are likely, in attempting to force change, to cause damage and caregivers will never bring about the change a church needs.
2. Recognize yourself in the table and where possible compensate for your weaknesses.
3. Keep recluses out of leadership! The last thing a church needs is someone who has no vision and no interest in people.
4. Recluses tend to end up working for the denomination! They are maintenance people.
5. Team leadership helps compensate for the fact that it is hard to find high task/ high relationship people. Captains, commanders and caregivers each have something distinctive to bring to the leadership of a church. Caregivers stop commanders racing ahead, commanders ensure that necessary change happens.
6. Build in structures in your churches that facilitate both vision and good communication of that vision. Create a culture in which both change and consultation are expected and embraced.
7. Consult early and expect things to take longer to action.
One minister commented;
I am tempted just to move ahead without a broad consensus, but I realize that would be a big mistake. So I consult with church leaders and take the time to seek input from the members. The process takes a lot longer, but the end result is healthier.
Have I got what it takes to pastor a growing church?
Thom Rainer after 10 years of working alongside churches in the States and studying their trends has this to say about the Pastor.
Acknowledging that if God is sovereign he can and will use whoever he wants, Rainer maintains that
In his sovereignty, God chooses certain means, methods, and persons to accomplish his purpose. I am convinced that one of His primary means of accomplishing His will is through the words, deeds and leadership of pastors. So much does rise and fall on pastoral leaders.
And when it comes to growing churches here are the 8 qualities he identifies in Pastors.
1. They are theologically conservative.
2. They have longer-than-average tenure in the church they presently serve
3. They are more likely to have attended seminary than not
4. They are usually full-time at their churches
5. They love to preach
6. Their preferred preaching style is expository
7. They detest committee meetings
8. They are more visionary than reactionary
Whilst there are no real surprises in this list, I was struck by 5, 6 and 7 in particular. Godly men, who guard the gospel, love the word and love the people to whom they preach it are the hope for the church.
Having just finished preaching through 1 Timothy we find that it is the qualities that Paul sees in Timothy that continue to grow churches today.
The danger of attending conferences (I’ve just come back from the Evangelical Ministry Assembly in London) is that you return home in awe of certain leaders. You wish you had the ability, the insight, the godliness and the gifting of those who were invited to speak and the conclusion you are tempted to reach is that there really are a very few people capable of achieving great things for God.
Thom Rainer studied the growth of nearly 300 churches and set out his conclusions in High Expectations: The remarkable secret for keeping people in your church. His conclusions challenge the assumption that only exceptionally gifted leaders grow exceptional churches.
Rainer argues that it is true that we should recognise that there really are some exception leaders out there. But we also need to celebrate the fact that God grows his church through the faithful leadership of ordinary pastors willing to persevere in their situations and grow their churches one small step at a time.
Here is the big take home for me:
Most successful leaders have learned to eat elephants.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. You are willing to make incremental gains which result in long-term blessings.
From the inside the growth and progress can look painfully slow. But for ministers who are faithful and are willing to persevere their ministries can be very fruitful.
The secret then is not to try and be something you’re not or to spend your time wishing you were other than the leader God has gifted you to be but to be faithful and persevere because it is God who gives the growth!
In the study of growing churches Rainer comments of their leaders;
They had a long-term perspective of their ministries where they presently served. Though they were always open to the will of God, they did not try to leave every time a problem developed. They did not suffer from the “greener-grass syndrome.”
These leaders were persistent. They did not give up easily. They were willing to take two steps backward to go three steps forward.
We may not be able to expound the Scriptures like Vaughan Roberts or have the insights of Tim Keller but as the apostle Paul writes
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential.
Why so? Because that is the way God delights to work, therefore;
“Let him who boasts boast in the Lord”
Dr. Peter Saunders certainly thinks there is a case to answer to.
I’m enjoying reading Joe Thorn’s Note to Self: The discipline of preaching to yourself at the moment.
Here’s a big insight in his introduction;
It is not just gospel that we need to preach to ourselves, but law and gospel….the believer [cannot] grow in grace apart from the preaching of both law and gospel.
What does he mean? Well we preach law to ourselves in the sense that law is
God’s revealed will and standard of righteousness…Essentially, the law shows us three things: it shows us what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s needed.
In preaching the law to ourselves we see and admire God’s will and way, while exposing and confessing our sinfulness. This leads us toward the gospel where we find our only hope of redemption and restoration. Preaching the law to ourselves breaks our pride, leads to humility, and calls us to cry out to God and depend on his mercy.
And as we do so we find that it drives us to the gospel and to Christ himself. We find our only hope in him because he alone is our righteousness, our forgiveness and our victory and so as we preach law and expose our own sinfulness so we cling ever more tightly to him.
This brings me to my main point and the question I’m sometimes asked;
If Christians are forgiven should we confess our sins?
Once we understand that we confess our sins not to secure our justification but as a means to sanctification the answer has to be a ‘yes’. The aim in confession for the Christian is not the desperate seeking out of every sin as a form of penance. But secure in our standing before God it is a means to holiness as we continue to preach law and gospel to ourselves.
So we confess because Jesus tells us to confess our sins regularly. The Lord’s prayer is our pattern for prayer. Jesus introduces it by saying to his disciples ‘This then is how you should pray’
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation.
So a crucial aspect of the Christian life calls on us to ask God’s forgiveness for our continued sin and to seek his enabling power not to sin.
Not only do we find Jesus calling on us to confess sin but the apostle John writes in 1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
We don’t just confess our sins ‘once for all time’
The present tense of the verb calls for an on-going practise of confessing rather than a once and for all.
Colin Kruse notes in his commentary how authentic Christian living involves ‘honest and ongoing acknowledgement of one’s sins.’
Confessing sins needs to be specific
David Jackman in the Bible Speaks Today series comments;
It is important here to notice the plural, sins, which implies a detailed and specific confession of our wrong thoughts, words, actions and attitudes. It includes the good which we omit, as well as the evil which we do.
Confession of that sort is of course really repentance. It is identifying what is wrong (sin) and who is responsible (us) and asking God in his mercy and grace to deal with both, through the work of Christ.
A true confession of sin asks for and anticipates forgiveness
The Christian who is in a secure relationship with God through Christ’s perfect life and death for us can confess humbly yet confidently because we know that ‘God is faithful and just’
Faithful, Jackman says in that ‘he will carry through on his commitment to forgive and purify those who confess their sins’
Just in that God is acting rightly in forgiving the guilty because we are those who’s sins have been punished through the death of his sins.
Why is it important to confess our sins?
‘There are many warnings in Scripture about the danger of concealing our sins. And many promises of blessing if we confess them.’
‘Moreover, what is required is not a general confession of sin but a particular confession of our sins, as we deliberately call them to mind, confess and forsake them (cf. Ps. 32:1-5; Pr. 28:13)
Joe Thorn writes;
The deepness and consistency of your repenting will have a direct impact on the liveliness of your faith and the brightness of your confidence. This is not because you repent so well, but because in repenting you know the darkness and trouble of your own sin, and the great work of grace in Jesus that overcomes it all.
What might it mean for you to confess your sins?
It means making the time to preach the law to yourself so that you know God’s will in every area of life.
It means you need to examine your life and consider where you are disobeying Jesus
It means seeking out sins you’ve committed in breach of God’s law where you have done what you ought not to have done.
It means seeking out sins of omission, those very things we have failed to do that we ought to have done.
It means being specific.
It means looking at all of life. Church, family, work, as well as our relationship with God.
It means a true repentance. Not just saying sorry but seeking God’s transforming grace to change.
What is the result of confessing your sin?
Quite simply the daily recognition that I need Jesus more than I needed him yesterday
A short clip from the film Tree of Life starring Brad Pitt and Sean Penn. Looks a really interesting film.
The Guardian gave it 5 stars after reviewing it at Cannes film festival describing it as ‘visionary cinema on an unashamedly huge scale: cinema that’s thinking big‘. The film won the Palme d’Or at Cannes and is due for release in the UK on 8th July.
Randy Newman waited a long time to see his 75 year old mother come to faith in Christ. That’s what makes him the ideal author of Bringing the gospel home – sharing your faith with family and friends. From his personal experience he writes;
I’ve seen the value of patience, the significance of prayer, the marvel of grace, and the power of love.
Most Christians find sharing their faith a challenge at the best of times but sharing faith with family as Newman testifies ‘seems infinitely more daunting.’
The book is a great resource to help all of those who like myself have the responsibility and challenge of being Christians in a family who are mostly not Christians. The book isn’t about technique or methodology but about how the gospel meets the unique challenges of witness to family. So Newman begins the book saying;
How we think about our family while telling them the good news is almost as important as how we think about our message.
So here are 8 take homes from his first chapter to help us think a little more about a tough topic.
1. Family is at the heart of God’s purposes.
It is designed to be a special place with unqiue ‘family dynamics’. We should have a special concern for family. When it works well it is a real blessing.
Families were instituted by God to foster intimacy, to build trust, to be the springboard from which all relationships should work.
2. Families are often where we feel the effects of the fall most acutely.
The closer the relationship the greater the pain when sin spoils or even fractures relationships that are designed to run deep. Nowhere is the consequence of sin greater or more disturbing than in the home. When we have been hurt by members of our family through arguments, divorce, abuse and so on it has profound effects.
3.When family works well it makes witnessing hard.
If our family is a truly happy one then who wants to be the person to break it apart? When we come to faith it adds a new dynamic. There is a new person in our lives, we now have a relationship with Christ, not shared by our family.
Witnessing is understandably hard if we love our parents. We are desperate not to upset them or disappoint them. When a particularly close relationship with a sibling is suddenly altered by our new relationship with Christ it threatens to drive a wedge between you. No wonder if our first attempts to witness are not met with an enthusiastic reception, out of love for our family, we begin to want to hold back.
4. When family goes wrong it makes witnessing hard.
If we have been hurt or betrayed by our family, because the pain runs so deep, we might well run from family. Maybe we cut off connections with certain family members or choose to spend less time at home or simply emotionally disconnect. To protect ourselves from the pain we seek independence from our family.
How helpful to be reminded that Jesus was rejected by his own family only to see them come to faith later. Most notably, James, his own half-brother who would become a key leader of the church in Jerusalem.
5. For those blessed by a loving family the gospel teaches us that family is not ultimate
In becoming Christian we find new reasons to thank God as we see for the first time that a loving family comes from his hand in order to bless but we also learn that we have to stop idolizing family relationships as we serve God.
Jesus said in Mark 3 ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.’
Jesus’ placing of family underneath kingdom relationships serves as both a rebuke and an encouragement.
6. For those saddened by broken family relationships the gospel teaches us that family is redeemable
The Bible also teaches us to not give up on even the worst of families.
Remembering how Christ in the gospel refused to give up on me and continuing to rely on the love of God that first changed me is crucial to empowering .
7. Evangelising family will feel like hard work
Newman wants us to recognise that witnessing to our family is going to be hard and it’s probably best to acknowledge that up front.
When you know the difficulty of running a marathon, you train for it, eat the right foods, get proper rest, etc. If you think it’s going to be easy, you’ll probably drop out of the race early on.
8. Evangelising family is emotionally charged
Two emotional struggles need to be highlighted – guilt and anger. Both seem to attack from within and without.
It might be guilt that we have not done more to seek the salvation of family members. We’ve not particularly prayed or we’ve stop trying to speak to them about Christ.
It could be guilt that comes from within because we are conscious about the past.
Our family, in other words has seen us at our worst, and the guilt we feel for losing our temper or any other display of sin immobilizes us in our witness.
It could be guilt from without as family members demonstrate their disappointment & disapproval that we have become a Christian or even a threat to disown us. Parents who have sought to control and manipulate their children are unlikely to stop when we reach adulthood.
Anger often rises in the frustration that comes from not being understood as a Christian or when the gospel is not understood no matter how clearly we have explained it.
Several people I spoke to expressed frustration from lack of objectivity. This seems to be in short supply when we’re around our family.
Maybe, Newman argues, objectivity is not only an unrealistic goal but an undesirable one too. Love rather than dispassionate objectivity is a better goal. It is when love is our motivator that
we can let go of the anger, disengage the guilt, and share the gospel so that it truly sounds like gracious, attractive good news instead of haughty, condemning bad news.
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